Finding Birth Mom? Please Help.?
Question by : Finding birth mom? Please help.?
My family adopted my little brother when he was 1 years old. He’s actually my second cousin, and my parents’s nephew. We know the birth dad because he’s my first cousin, but he was in prison from drug charges and abuse the whole time my brother was in his mother’s womb until he was 4. He has always known he was adopted and is 15 but has just recently started asking questions. Everything we found out is utterly heartbreaking and now he is set out to find his birth mom when he turns 18. (he’s not allowed to see her/vice versa until he’s 18) I’m the only one in the whole family who is supportive of his decision and I want to help him. HOWEVER, he’s ADHD, has many learning disabilities and has bipolar disease. I REALLY want to check this woman out before he finds her. I mean, she left him on our grandmother’s doorstep butt naked in the snow at only 2 weeks old and then disappeared. His birth mom’s mom got him every other weekend and she lived in North Carolina when he was about 1-3 years old, but we stopped letting her take him after we found out his birth mom had been there hiding out at her mother’s house (we could of had her arrested for that with all the charges we have on both the birth parents towards him) Ever since then no one’s heard from her. She’s vanished. All I know is her full name, really. I have a picture of her and my brother’s birth dad at prom but I’m unsure if it was her or his prom. I know she had my brother straight out of high school but I don’t know if she failed any grades or anything like that so I only have an age estimate. We also know she was hiding out at her mother’s but that was YEARS ago. I’m all on my own on this because of my parents wishes to let it go. I don’t have a credit card so I can’t pay online to look up things. I don’t even know how to start this search. Does anyone have any ideas as to what I can do?
And if I’m doing the right thing? She left him as a baby and was strung out on every drug you can think of since high school. She’s also bipolar and has been in and out of prison, same as the birth dad. I can’t get in touch with him to ask because I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know for one, and for two the whole family pretty much shunned him after his last time in prison for being accused of attempted rape. I love my brother more then anything and I just don’t want him to go meet his birth mom and her hurt him. She’s been arrested for domestic violence when she was with the birth dad so I’m really scared anything could happen, especially if she’s still using drugs. I’m willing to drive anywhere to check out any places, I just don’t know where to go with the very little info I have.
Oh, I also know where she graduated from.
Any help would be amazing. Thanks.
Best answer:
Answer by Laura Ferraro
Wait till he is 18. I am adopted, and I recently found my birth mother (almost 3 years ago). But my story is nothing like his. His parents lost the right legally and personally to knowing him by being criminals. I believe his mother did him a great favor by giving him to family that could love and take care of him the way he needed and deserved (she could have put clothes on him and wrapped him in a blanket too) He may or may not still want to know by the time he is 18, and if he does, he will have 3 more years of maturity to be able to handle what may come of finding her. Just know, there are bad people out there, and she may be one of them. Also, the worst case scenario, for the reason she suddenly “vanished” is she might have passed away, and her family was too proud to share that with you all. As of now, you should maybe look thru obituaries in her home town (where her parents live), if nothing comes up, put a hold on the search.
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